Primary Text: "How to Watch your Brother Die" by Micheal Lassell
Secondary Text: "Wally's Girl" from Leave it to Beaver
Theme: Homosexuality and the way it is perceived by society
Intro:
- historical context of both texts (year, mentality of the time regarding homosexuality, etc)
- what the "moral" of each text is, what it is trying to say about homosexuals
- thesis, something like: As the clip "Wally's Girl" only hints at homosexuality (no direct relationship is made), "How to wath your Brother Die" openly speaks of homosexuals, which allows us to observe the evolution of society's perception of homosexuals over time.
First Paragraph:
- Wally's girl
- Hints made toward homosexuality (very feminine looking boy who claims to have a girlfriend to conceal his true affiliations)
- The boy is not proud to be a homosexual, tries to hide it and makes himself look ridiculous
- The fact that he ridiculizes himself implies that homosexuals are the same
- Related to silly matter (trying to get a girlfriend), not very emotionally profound, only meant to entertain audience
Second Paragraph:
- How to watch your Brother Die
- Homosexual character openly speaks of it
- Doesn't try to conceal homosexuality (more open and proud of it)
- Emotionally profound, tries to convey a real message of distress to the audience
- Shows how society is slowly beginning to accept homosexuality, but how there still are "sticks in the mud" who do not accept it (like the character's wife who doesn't want to have anything to do with the brother's homosexual life").
ETC...
(These paragraphs can probably be broken down even more and made into more specific paragraphs...I will see how I need to adjust while writing the essay. These are just guidelines that can be expanded into more paragraphs!)
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Journal #8
I chose to analyze sentences from my first essay.
Passive/Active Verbs: I employed quite a bit of passive verbs in this analysis.
For example:
"Playful diction is depicted in the following fragment..." could have been more active by simply being reversed into "The following fragment depicts playful diction...".
"The playful expressions were meant to appease his reaction..." which could have been "To appease his reaction, I employed playful expressions..."
"I meant to demonstrate through this structure..." opposed to "Through this structure, I demonstrated that..." or "This structure helped me demonstrate that..."
"In previous essays, I rarely permitted myself to..." instead of "In previous essays, I had rarely permitted myself to..."
"I chose a different tone..." instead of "I decided to choose a different tone..."
Transitions: I noticed lack of transitions, especially from paragraph to paragrpah.
For example:
"I am scorning...Mr. Winsprout: 'Mr. Winsprout was...'". The transition from the sentence to the quote and the introduction of the quote could have been improved to something like this: "I am scorning... Mr. Winsprout. For instance, I wrote 'Mr. Winsprout was...'".
Since it is kind of hard to give the original version and the corrected version for transitions between paragraphs, I will just give an example of what the transition could have sounded like.
First transition: "In these long sentences, I was able to incorporate my own voice and a mocking tone..."
Second transition: "By analyzing the voice of my paper, I remarked that specific diction contributed to building the mocking tone..."
Clarity: I noticed one instance of "unclarity"
"...as if the readers did not have enough breath to follow my descriptions from head to toes" which would have been more clear like so: "as the readers did not have enough breath to follow my descriptions from Mr. Winsprout's head to his toes."
Overall, I did not notice very many mistakes regarding that and where, when, and reason...is because or the unnecessary repetition of words. My greatest weakness was definitly using passive verbs instead of active ones, which is sort of ironic since I thought my weakness was transitions. Nonetheless, I should definitly work on transitions, especially relating paragraphs to each other since I have trouble with that. I think passive use of verbs comes in when the author is trying not to say "I", which was ok for this essay.
Revising an essay a while after writing it allowed me to get more perspective on my "old" writing. I have grown as a writer since writing that essay, which allows me to identify and pin point my weaknesses, and try to improve them for later essays.
Passive/Active Verbs: I employed quite a bit of passive verbs in this analysis.
For example:
"Playful diction is depicted in the following fragment..." could have been more active by simply being reversed into "The following fragment depicts playful diction...".
"The playful expressions were meant to appease his reaction..." which could have been "To appease his reaction, I employed playful expressions..."
"I meant to demonstrate through this structure..." opposed to "Through this structure, I demonstrated that..." or "This structure helped me demonstrate that..."
"In previous essays, I rarely permitted myself to..." instead of "In previous essays, I had rarely permitted myself to..."
"I chose a different tone..." instead of "I decided to choose a different tone..."
Transitions: I noticed lack of transitions, especially from paragraph to paragrpah.
For example:
"I am scorning...Mr. Winsprout: 'Mr. Winsprout was...'". The transition from the sentence to the quote and the introduction of the quote could have been improved to something like this: "I am scorning... Mr. Winsprout. For instance, I wrote 'Mr. Winsprout was...'".
Since it is kind of hard to give the original version and the corrected version for transitions between paragraphs, I will just give an example of what the transition could have sounded like.
First transition: "In these long sentences, I was able to incorporate my own voice and a mocking tone..."
Second transition: "By analyzing the voice of my paper, I remarked that specific diction contributed to building the mocking tone..."
Clarity: I noticed one instance of "unclarity"
"...as if the readers did not have enough breath to follow my descriptions from head to toes" which would have been more clear like so: "as the readers did not have enough breath to follow my descriptions from Mr. Winsprout's head to his toes."
Overall, I did not notice very many mistakes regarding that and where, when, and reason...is because or the unnecessary repetition of words. My greatest weakness was definitly using passive verbs instead of active ones, which is sort of ironic since I thought my weakness was transitions. Nonetheless, I should definitly work on transitions, especially relating paragraphs to each other since I have trouble with that. I think passive use of verbs comes in when the author is trying not to say "I", which was ok for this essay.
Revising an essay a while after writing it allowed me to get more perspective on my "old" writing. I have grown as a writer since writing that essay, which allows me to identify and pin point my weaknesses, and try to improve them for later essays.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Journal #7
Michael Lassell's poem How to watch your brother die made me feel like Lassell was sort of dictating how the reader should behave when a sibling passes away.
The diction he uses in this poem is mechanical: do this, do that, say this, say that...
It reminded me of when we wrote Shakespeare, for example, in a different style like the user's manual.
In the poem, the narrator recounts what and how it was like to loose his homosexual brother in the user's manual tone.
The neutral, dictating tone could also represent the grief of loosing a loved one: the pain is so intense that we are somewhat out of our own shoes and observe the situation from above, from a "blank" standpoint.
The fact that the author employed "you" throughout the poem was very effective in communicating emotions to the reader because the reader actually pictures him/herself in the situation of loosing a sibling and is able to feel what it must be like much more vividly.The narrator is describing a personal experience, yet he does a good job at incorporating the reader into his own emotions.
I am not sure that I noticed heterosexuality in the narrator: he was simply being nice and compassionate towards his brother's lover. The narrator is simply turning his love for his brother towards the lover.
The homosexual character, though, acts like we think homosexuals should behave: he is weak, he cries, he needs to be held, yet he is also strong in a different manner since he endures all the predjudice against homosexuals.
We picture male homosexuals as more femine, in the way that they will tear up more easily and they won't be as "strong" as men. Yet I have known a gay couple, and I can assure that these two men were nothing like that. One wouldn't have known, just by seeing them, that they were homosexuals, and it was only months after knowing them that I realized they were lovers (I was a child then, so I just thought they were friends, but I was aware of the concept of homosexuality).
We have a tendency to build a stereotypical image around them, just like in the clips that we viewed in class (especially the Modern Family one), where it presented homosexuals as women in male form.
The diction he uses in this poem is mechanical: do this, do that, say this, say that...
It reminded me of when we wrote Shakespeare, for example, in a different style like the user's manual.
In the poem, the narrator recounts what and how it was like to loose his homosexual brother in the user's manual tone.
The neutral, dictating tone could also represent the grief of loosing a loved one: the pain is so intense that we are somewhat out of our own shoes and observe the situation from above, from a "blank" standpoint.
The fact that the author employed "you" throughout the poem was very effective in communicating emotions to the reader because the reader actually pictures him/herself in the situation of loosing a sibling and is able to feel what it must be like much more vividly.The narrator is describing a personal experience, yet he does a good job at incorporating the reader into his own emotions.
I am not sure that I noticed heterosexuality in the narrator: he was simply being nice and compassionate towards his brother's lover. The narrator is simply turning his love for his brother towards the lover.
The homosexual character, though, acts like we think homosexuals should behave: he is weak, he cries, he needs to be held, yet he is also strong in a different manner since he endures all the predjudice against homosexuals.
We picture male homosexuals as more femine, in the way that they will tear up more easily and they won't be as "strong" as men. Yet I have known a gay couple, and I can assure that these two men were nothing like that. One wouldn't have known, just by seeing them, that they were homosexuals, and it was only months after knowing them that I realized they were lovers (I was a child then, so I just thought they were friends, but I was aware of the concept of homosexuality).
We have a tendency to build a stereotypical image around them, just like in the clips that we viewed in class (especially the Modern Family one), where it presented homosexuals as women in male form.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Journal #6
Racism has always been an ethical issue in the world, and although we would like to think it has disappeared, it is still present today. Sloan portrays racism as an issue that quietly haunts our world: she recognizes it in her own city's architecture and through the stories of her father's friend. Sloan accompanies her narrative with historical events and relates those events to her father's friend, sprinkling her text with emotions concerning racism and ultimately implying that her friend is a metaphor for the city of Los Angeles.
Sloan begins each "chapter" with a story about an artist, an architect, a riot, or an event that she has witnessed. Each of these events serves to add logic to her text: she explains how the extenxive use of glass in the city's architecture represents the division between the White, Black and Latino cultures. Through this division, she implies that the city is diseased with racism but that it manages to survive, similar to the way her father's friend has suffered from cancer several times, but is still alive. During their conversation, her friend says "I think that everything we go through is something that we were supposed to learn. And if we didn't learn it that time around, then we are given another opportunity." These two sentences refer to racism in Los Angeles, and how the city has not learned to accept other cultures and skin colors. Until the city's population learns to accept other races, Los Angeles will still be ravaged by segregation and violence.
Just like she began each chapter with recounting event, Sloan ends every chatper with a story of her father's friend. By doing so, Sloan relates the event she has just described to a single person who has experienced that event, adding credibility to her text. For example, Sloan mentions that Los Angeles is "separated by hard-drawn geagraphical lines, which kept the city color-coded". At the end of this chapter, she describes that her father's friend has survived a "life of incessant fragmentation". Her friend's fragmented life refers to the glass architecture, which is itself a metaphor for the fragmentation caused by racism.
Similarly, Sloan adds emotions to her narrative by including stories of her father's friend. These episodes help put the described historical events into context and give a sense of reality to her story. The reader doesn't just read about these events, he/she can now feel what it was like to experience them. Sloan's friend recounts the racial diversity in her family: her great grandmother was "full-blooded Cherokee; her husband was full-blooded Irish", her father was black, and her grandfather was "very much a Southern white guy". The father's friend is a mix of races: she is often mistaken for Latino, White, or Black, which relates to the fact that Los Angeles, too, is composed of many different races. Sloan also explains that her friend's body is so "busted" because "she has been walking into walls since the day she was born". These walls are the glass walls that make up Los Angeles's architecture: they are the quiet, invisible barriers of racism.
Through a logical narrative, credible historical events that relate to an individual, and emotional stories, Sloan creates a metaphor implying that her father's sick friend is a symbol for the decaying city of Los Angeles. But just like Sloan's friend, the city is given chances to learn from its mistakes and perhaps that, finally, the glass walls will succumb to liberate a united, open-minded society.
Sloan begins each "chapter" with a story about an artist, an architect, a riot, or an event that she has witnessed. Each of these events serves to add logic to her text: she explains how the extenxive use of glass in the city's architecture represents the division between the White, Black and Latino cultures. Through this division, she implies that the city is diseased with racism but that it manages to survive, similar to the way her father's friend has suffered from cancer several times, but is still alive. During their conversation, her friend says "I think that everything we go through is something that we were supposed to learn. And if we didn't learn it that time around, then we are given another opportunity." These two sentences refer to racism in Los Angeles, and how the city has not learned to accept other cultures and skin colors. Until the city's population learns to accept other races, Los Angeles will still be ravaged by segregation and violence.
Just like she began each chapter with recounting event, Sloan ends every chatper with a story of her father's friend. By doing so, Sloan relates the event she has just described to a single person who has experienced that event, adding credibility to her text. For example, Sloan mentions that Los Angeles is "separated by hard-drawn geagraphical lines, which kept the city color-coded". At the end of this chapter, she describes that her father's friend has survived a "life of incessant fragmentation". Her friend's fragmented life refers to the glass architecture, which is itself a metaphor for the fragmentation caused by racism.
Similarly, Sloan adds emotions to her narrative by including stories of her father's friend. These episodes help put the described historical events into context and give a sense of reality to her story. The reader doesn't just read about these events, he/she can now feel what it was like to experience them. Sloan's friend recounts the racial diversity in her family: her great grandmother was "full-blooded Cherokee; her husband was full-blooded Irish", her father was black, and her grandfather was "very much a Southern white guy". The father's friend is a mix of races: she is often mistaken for Latino, White, or Black, which relates to the fact that Los Angeles, too, is composed of many different races. Sloan also explains that her friend's body is so "busted" because "she has been walking into walls since the day she was born". These walls are the glass walls that make up Los Angeles's architecture: they are the quiet, invisible barriers of racism.
Through a logical narrative, credible historical events that relate to an individual, and emotional stories, Sloan creates a metaphor implying that her father's sick friend is a symbol for the decaying city of Los Angeles. But just like Sloan's friend, the city is given chances to learn from its mistakes and perhaps that, finally, the glass walls will succumb to liberate a united, open-minded society.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Journal #5
The main difference between the two texts was the way they were presented.
In our text book, Sloan's text is "neutral", meaning that it is not as appealing to the eye as the hypertext.
The hypertext, though, has much more "bling": it has pictures, links, etc.
I would say that the online version is more effective in putting the reader in context. The pictures help visualize what Sloan is talking about.
What bothered me with the hypertext, though, is that part of Sloan's story is not included, more specifically the part about her father's friend. I believe that this was one of the most important parts of her text because her father's friend is the ultimate symbol for being caught between cultures, which is basically what all of Sloan's text is about. The hypertext was not effective in portraying this aspect of her story.
Regarding the presentation of the two texts, I would say that the effectiveness depends on the reader.
In the textbook, the presentation is boring and uniteresting: usual academic style. But the fact of having an actual book, with paper, is much more appealing to the reader who has trouble reading on a computer screen. I hate reading on the computer, that is why I prefer having a book to hold and pages to turn.
Again, what I liked about the hypertext were the pictures, which really help put the reader in Sloan's shoes. I didn't find the links to be distracting, they actually helped place you in context as well because, by clicking on one, you could learn more about an artist or an event that she is describing.
Again, the effectiveness of the two texts depended on the reader. The hypertext is better for students like us, and the book might be better for the elderly. The hypertext definitly is more appealing to the eye, but the fact that it excludes an essential part of the story brings the two texts at equality.
In our text book, Sloan's text is "neutral", meaning that it is not as appealing to the eye as the hypertext.
The hypertext, though, has much more "bling": it has pictures, links, etc.
I would say that the online version is more effective in putting the reader in context. The pictures help visualize what Sloan is talking about.
What bothered me with the hypertext, though, is that part of Sloan's story is not included, more specifically the part about her father's friend. I believe that this was one of the most important parts of her text because her father's friend is the ultimate symbol for being caught between cultures, which is basically what all of Sloan's text is about. The hypertext was not effective in portraying this aspect of her story.
Regarding the presentation of the two texts, I would say that the effectiveness depends on the reader.
In the textbook, the presentation is boring and uniteresting: usual academic style. But the fact of having an actual book, with paper, is much more appealing to the reader who has trouble reading on a computer screen. I hate reading on the computer, that is why I prefer having a book to hold and pages to turn.
Again, what I liked about the hypertext were the pictures, which really help put the reader in Sloan's shoes. I didn't find the links to be distracting, they actually helped place you in context as well because, by clicking on one, you could learn more about an artist or an event that she is describing.
Again, the effectiveness of the two texts depended on the reader. The hypertext is better for students like us, and the book might be better for the elderly. The hypertext definitly is more appealing to the eye, but the fact that it excludes an essential part of the story brings the two texts at equality.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Journal #4
The experience at CESL was very interesting! I met three sympathetic Asian students, two from China and one from Korea.
I did not discover anything particular about “being foreign” and learning another language because, coming from France, English was my second language, too.
I noticed that, compared to students from other parts of the world, the Asian students had the most difficulty articulating English words clearly. And that reminded me of my own experience and the troubles associated with learning a new language: some sounds in our native tongue cannot be found in other languages, and vice versa, which is why we can’t replicate certain of these sounds. It made me realize that the language in which we are raised determines the sounds that we will be able to produce later in life. And once we reach a certain age, it becomes more and more difficult not to have an accent!
The international students definitely had a cultural identity (by that I mean that they were not totally “Americanized”). But their cultural identity greatly differed from the one discussed in Eula Biss’s text. Her story focused more on poverty and America becoming the “death sentence” of Mexico. She mainly emphasized the differences between the American culture and the Mexican one, but how they were analogous in the case of poverty. She also mentions the hatred and negative outlook of Mexicans towards Americans.
Her text was pessimistic compared to the experience we had with the international students, which was very positive. Most of us and most of the foreign students come from similar backgrounds: none were richer or poorer than the others, which is what created this gap in Eula Biss's story.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Journal #2
For my persona text, I think I will use an essay that I wrote in 10th grade. The paper is called "Egg Head" (pretty original, huh?) and I describe my worst teacher ever. He actually wasn't the WORST teacher ever, just his physical appearance was beyond the ridicule. It seems like writing that essay helped me to expand in creativity of descriptions: use fancier words, make extensive use of punctuation, etc.
I'm not completely sure why I want to use this text, but I have a good feeling that it will fit in with the "persona" theme of our final paper. In a way, it did have an impact on my identity as a writer since I now am much more descriptive in my writing, and I pay much closer attention to details when reading (like noticing the implicit meaning behind certain words, punctuation or phrases).
Compared to Tapahonso's style of writing, yes, my persona text is much different. She uses the simple tone of the narrator recounting a story...I'm not saying that it's dull or boring -- the topic of her story is very interesting, but the tone is one that is bringing back a memory; there's no irony, sarcasm, etc.
My persona text has a "mocking" tone...which is necessary since I am mocking my teacher's ridiculous physiognomy. At the end of my paper, though, there is a transformation: the mocking turns into admiration for my teacher, and the same admiration can be felt in Tapahonso's reverence for her culture.
Next to Lohan's video, I find an important similarity: there is that same mocking tone -- she is mocking the people who believe in all the rumors about her. My persona text though, lacks the sarcasm that is evident in her voice and body language.
I'm not completely sure why I want to use this text, but I have a good feeling that it will fit in with the "persona" theme of our final paper. In a way, it did have an impact on my identity as a writer since I now am much more descriptive in my writing, and I pay much closer attention to details when reading (like noticing the implicit meaning behind certain words, punctuation or phrases).
Compared to Tapahonso's style of writing, yes, my persona text is much different. She uses the simple tone of the narrator recounting a story...I'm not saying that it's dull or boring -- the topic of her story is very interesting, but the tone is one that is bringing back a memory; there's no irony, sarcasm, etc.
My persona text has a "mocking" tone...which is necessary since I am mocking my teacher's ridiculous physiognomy. At the end of my paper, though, there is a transformation: the mocking turns into admiration for my teacher, and the same admiration can be felt in Tapahonso's reverence for her culture.
Next to Lohan's video, I find an important similarity: there is that same mocking tone -- she is mocking the people who believe in all the rumors about her. My persona text though, lacks the sarcasm that is evident in her voice and body language.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Journal #1 Continued
This writing experience went well for me, it was actually enjoyable!
I had no trouble coming up with an experience to describe.
What shocked me most, though, was the length of it! I hadn't realized that my story was so long, probably because I didn't read through it again after I was done. Like Hampl described in her story/essay, the first draft is most important, that's why I didn't want to be tempted of changing my story after re-reading it.
And yes, I totally fictionalized parts of my story to make it flow and be more interesting. To tell the truth, I was certainly not as crazy as I described, I wasn't much of a show off, and I wasn't dirty all the time.
But since I'm more of a creative writer, it was definitly more fun to make up certain things than just tell straight facts!
I had no trouble coming up with an experience to describe.
What shocked me most, though, was the length of it! I hadn't realized that my story was so long, probably because I didn't read through it again after I was done. Like Hampl described in her story/essay, the first draft is most important, that's why I didn't want to be tempted of changing my story after re-reading it.
And yes, I totally fictionalized parts of my story to make it flow and be more interesting. To tell the truth, I was certainly not as crazy as I described, I wasn't much of a show off, and I wasn't dirty all the time.
But since I'm more of a creative writer, it was definitly more fun to make up certain things than just tell straight facts!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Journal #1
I used to be this crazy, loud, outgoing, "untamable" child. Often, my clothes were soiled with dirt and mud (mud pies, mud fruits, mud candy, anything made from mud was my very FAVORITE!) and my hair was never neat nor combed (not that my mother didn't try!).
I would come up with strange games to play with my friends; for example, we would all be babies inside our mother's belly and would somehow fall in fire.
In class, I was noisy and often disrupted the lesson. I could even say that I was rude sometimes, not to mention the fact that I loved to show off.
I was a devil with my little brother, who, ironically, was the perfect figure of an angel. I enjoyed dramatizing EVERYTHING, especially to inculpate my brother of something he did not do.
Anyways, I think you got the picture: a 10 year old girl with messy hair, dirt smears on her face, holes in her jeans and a rebellious look in her eyes.
One day, my parents took me aside, not to reprimand me as I thought they would, but to talk to me about "very important matter" on which they wanted my advice and consent.
My father had been proposed to move to the United States for his work, so we needed to make a decision. Of course, I was all for it...I could already picture the envious faces my friends would make! But I had no idea what consequences were going to affect the little "devil" inside me forever.
So we left France and moved to the United States where I attended American school.
It was not only a culture shock, it was an EVERYTHING shock. The language, the way school was taught, people's attitudes toward each other, the respect between those people, the food, the houses, etc, etc. Every place I went, I felt alienated. Of course, people were very friendly, I was just feeling extremely aloof.
I fount myself being timid, afraid to speak or to make friends. At recess, I would sit in a corner and read my French book, the only thing that kept me from literally "disappearing of shyness".
As time went on, the barrier of language was soon overcome and I acquired more self confidence. I discovered that a quiet, observant and discrete person lay unconscious within me. I never regained the craziness that animated me in France... I don't know why. It just never came back. All I know is that the soft, calm girl remained.
Was the "looney" part of me a persona? Is this calm personality my true identity? Or did I unconsciously put on a persona after enduring the culture shock?
I don't think that I, or anybody, will ever know.
I would come up with strange games to play with my friends; for example, we would all be babies inside our mother's belly and would somehow fall in fire.
In class, I was noisy and often disrupted the lesson. I could even say that I was rude sometimes, not to mention the fact that I loved to show off.
I was a devil with my little brother, who, ironically, was the perfect figure of an angel. I enjoyed dramatizing EVERYTHING, especially to inculpate my brother of something he did not do.
Anyways, I think you got the picture: a 10 year old girl with messy hair, dirt smears on her face, holes in her jeans and a rebellious look in her eyes.
One day, my parents took me aside, not to reprimand me as I thought they would, but to talk to me about "very important matter" on which they wanted my advice and consent.
My father had been proposed to move to the United States for his work, so we needed to make a decision. Of course, I was all for it...I could already picture the envious faces my friends would make! But I had no idea what consequences were going to affect the little "devil" inside me forever.
So we left France and moved to the United States where I attended American school.
It was not only a culture shock, it was an EVERYTHING shock. The language, the way school was taught, people's attitudes toward each other, the respect between those people, the food, the houses, etc, etc. Every place I went, I felt alienated. Of course, people were very friendly, I was just feeling extremely aloof.
I fount myself being timid, afraid to speak or to make friends. At recess, I would sit in a corner and read my French book, the only thing that kept me from literally "disappearing of shyness".
As time went on, the barrier of language was soon overcome and I acquired more self confidence. I discovered that a quiet, observant and discrete person lay unconscious within me. I never regained the craziness that animated me in France... I don't know why. It just never came back. All I know is that the soft, calm girl remained.
Was the "looney" part of me a persona? Is this calm personality my true identity? Or did I unconsciously put on a persona after enduring the culture shock?
I don't think that I, or anybody, will ever know.
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